A.      If an argument seems unavoidable, try to have it in a room or area where you have access to an exit.  Try to stay away from the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, garage, or anywhere else where weapons might be available.

B.       Practice how to get out of your home safely.  Identify which doors, windows, elevator, or stairwell would be best.

C.       Have a packed bag ready and keep it at a relative’s or friend’s home in order to leave quickly.

D.      Identify one or more neighbors you can tell about the violence and ask that they call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your home.

E.       Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends, and neighbors when you need the police.

F.       Decide and plan for where you will go if you have to leave home (even if you don’t think you will need to).

G.       Use your own instincts and judgment.  If the situation is very dangerous, consider giving the abuser what he wants to calm him down.  You have the right to protect yourself until you are out of danger.

H.      Always remember: YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE HIT OR THREATENED!  

A.      Open a savings account and/or a credit card in your own name to start to establish or increase your independence.  Think of other ways in which you can increase your independence.

B.       Get your own post office box.  You can privately receive checks and letters to begin your independence.

C.       Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, extra medicines, and clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly.

D.      Determine who would be able to let you stay with them or lend you some money.

E.       Keep the shelter or hotline phone number close at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all times for emergency phone calls. 911 can be called from any pay phone for no charge.  You can reach a victim’s advocate by asking the police dispatcher to have one paged.

F.       REMEMBER! LEAVING YOUR ABUSER IS THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME!  Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the safest way to leave your batterer.  

  CHECKLIST:  WHAT YOU NEED WHEN YOU LEAVE

A.      Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible.  Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows.

B.       Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them.

C.       Inform your children’s school, day care, etc., about who has permission to pick up your children.

D.      Inform neighbors and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see him near your home.  

A.      Keep your protective order on you at all times.  Give a copy to a trusted neighbor or family member.

B.       Call the police if your partner breaks the protective order.

C.       Think of alternative ways to keep safe if the police do not respond right away.

D.      Inform family, friends, neighbors, and your physician or health care provider that you have a protective order in effect.  

A.      Decide whom at work you will inform of your situation.  This should include office or building security.  Provide a picture of your batterer if possible.

B.       Arrange to have an answering machine, caller ID, or a trusted friend or relative screen your calls if possible.

C.       Devise a safety plan for when you leave work.  Have someone escort you to your car, bus, or train, and wait with you until you are safely on your way.  If possible, use a variety of routes to get home.  Think about what you would do if something happened while going home (in your car, on the bus, etc.).  

A.      If you have to communicate with your partner, determine the safest way to do so.

B.       Have positive thoughts about yourself and be assertive with others about your needs.  Read books, articles, and poems to help you feel stronger.

C.       Decide whom you can call to talk freely and openly to give you the support you need.

D.      Plan to attend a support session at least twice to gain support from others and learn more about yourself and the relationship.  Call the YCU to make an appointment.

E.       If you are thinking of returning to a potentially violent situation, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust.  

A.      Decide which friend, teacher, relative, or police officer you can tell.

B.       Call the YCU.  They can help teens, too.